A Womans worth… valuable lessons.

A friend of mine and I were discussing  our value as women to men and what that value was based on, this really got me thinking… As women what are we really worth and what determines that worth.  After much thought I decided a woman’s worth should be based on her standards.  The quality of the standards she sets and her ability to ensure those standards are maintained.

As women we often have a clear idea of what we look for in a man, not the superficial rich, good looking Idris Elba part but the kind, patient, faithful man who is intelligent and willing to treat us right part. Then one day we meet this fine specimen of a man who has no patience and a temper like fire and suddenly its acceptable! Our requirement for patience flies out the window we no longer mind or even remember that patience was a standard we said was necessary in a potential mate. Next, this man turns out to be mean, nasty and selfish and hey that’s ok too another standard goes flying out the window. Slowly but surely as we try to keep this man our standards are whittled away until there is nothing and what does that do to our stock in that man’s eyes?  Our stock loses value and ends up worthless.  Because he knows our standards are not firm and can easily be swayed and he doesn’t need to make any effort to maintain them.

I thought of an example that I could use to illustrate this.  Imagine a Range Rover in a show room.  A potential customer walks in to buy this Range Rover and the price tag is there in all its blazing glory, then he says to the salesman “Ummm sales dude I want the Range Rover but the price is too high” and the sales dude says “Oooh a customer! Well Mr Customer this here Range Rover is going at this magnificent price but I can give you a 10% discount?”  The customer says “well that’s still kinda high how about another 10% off?” and the sales man says “ok I’ll give you another 10% and I’ll throw in the motor plan for free” and customer says “oh ok how about you deduct the cost of the engine and leather seats as well” eventually he pays $50 an old Zimbabwean 20c piece and some gum for your Range Rover!  Now of course He is ecstatic, he now owns a Range but what is it worth to him? If a taxi driver swipes the side of that car and scratches the paint will it hurt him as much as it would have if he had paid list price for it? Of course not it cost him $50 and some change and that’s exactly what it’s worth to him.
We set our standards (the Range Rover) and sometimes they are high so they can be negotiated to a reasonable level but if we have high standards and are ready to drop those standards to zero standards just because we want to keep that man (Customer) then we are just like that poor old Range Rover…. worthless.

Now how do you maintain your standards?  Well firstly by making sure this potential partner knows what those standards are from the get go.  Don’t lie to him about how low maintenance you are then BAMM spring your high maintenance demanding screaming B**** Diva on him.  Do not allow your standards to be deteriorated because you think that’s what is going to make this man stay with you.  You should really only be with someone who is willing to put in the effort or pay the price as it were.   Here’s how the professionals do it.

Customer walks into a Range Rover dealership.  By that time the sales dude has already seen what car he is driving and has some  idea whether he is worth the effort of stopping that game of solitaire and talking to.  Coz you know if the customer drove in in a broke down rust bucket Sales Dude is calling security on him?! So let’s say he thinks this potential customer is worth the effort, he will come to him great him and give him a run down on the great new features now available on the new Range Rover Sport and he will ask him if he likes.  If he likes he will take the Customer to his desk and calculate all the extras and give him a total price for the Executive Package.  If Customer says “err I like but the price is too high” then he will recalculate and offer him another package. Then the customer says “err still too high” then he will offer him the entry level package….. Still too high, he will offer him directions to the nearest Toyota Dealership ok!  This salesman has no doubt his Vehicle is value for money and if the potential buyer thinks the price is too steep, sure he is willing to negotiate but if he still can’t afford it then make no mistake, he is going to show him the door because nothing will make him compromise the value of his merchandise.

Women its ok to negotiate your standards as compromise is one of the Pillars of a long lasting relationship.  But don’t negotiate yourself to the point of changing your value and turning into that $50 Range.  Everyone has their own standards and levels may vary but if those are the standards you have set then stick with them. Remember you are worth a lot, and if not to that man then definitely to God.

But that’s just according to me.

Dedicated to my wonderful friend who inspired this article xoxo



Relationship Advice

Now its been said “opinions are like a**holes, everyone’s got one” especially when it comes to relationships.  I admit I do dabble in couples and relationship therapy every so often, but do I have a certificate nailed on the wall qualifying me to do that… Hell no!  It’s my opinion and I am entitled to it and its up to you to use your own common sense filters to decide what advice to take and what advice to let go in through one ear and out the other!

Relationship advice is normally based on bad experiences; broken hearts and bad mistakes.  Does that mean once your hearts been broken a few times you are now the master of how to avoid heart break?  Evidently not seeing as it has happened to you more than once and sorry to say may still happen again.  Does being in a bad marriage give you the responsibility of making sure marriage never takes place on this earth… EVER?  Of course not because as bad as your marriage is people are still getting married and enjoying loving and fulfilling unions.  If you are a Playa and you believe that happiness comes from having 8 baby mamas 13 kids and 5 on the way does that make you an expert on women and qualified to give other men advice on women?  No it doesn’t playa.

Why do people feel they have to advise you on your relationship?  Well firstly because you asked for their advice. Secondly because they care about you and they want to help your relationship or thirdly they know your relationship is good and they are jealous and just want to give you some help to mess it all up!  Either way, it is your responsibility to decide what action you will take because nobody knows your man or woman better than you do, so why would you accept what Joe Soap there tells you is the best way to deal with an issue in your relationship.

This reminds me of a young wife whose husband was being a bit cantankerous, some friends told her men liked things to be changed around often so she needed to change her furniture around every day get a new hairdo more regularly and change things up in the bedroom more often too! Well after 1 month of coming home to a different furniture set up, hairstyle and sex the man got tired and left! Reason, he said if he wanted to be with a different woman in a different house every day he wouldn’t have gotten married!  Now I’m not saying that changing things up is wrong I’m saying different strokes for different folks, what works for Sheena is not necessarily going to work for Tamara and just because Timothys wife likes picnics doesn’t mean Jasons girlfriend will.

A relationship is supposed to be between two people who love, trust and commit to each other. Not him, her, his cousin, her sisters baby daddys mama or his grandmama! Nobody knows the tiny little details of how you met, your first date and why you fell in love with that person so why would you let someone else come and tell you how you should feel and act towards them?

As humans we will always want to give you advice, sometimes its good and sometimes it aint worth a thing.  Choose who and what you want to listen to, obey your instincts, but follow your heart and for goodness sake use your own common sense!

But that’s just according to me!