Living Single

So I find myself on the other side of 30 and still bearing the name my father gave me!  Probably not what I had in mind but that’s all I’m working with, as well as the pitying looks I get from my married friends, relatives and colleagues as I constantly rock up at events alone.  The consolations “don’t worry you will meet someone one day”.  The accusations of being too choosy!  The encouragement to reduce my standards… (huh?).

Really?  I don’t remember ever saying I was looking for a husband.  I mean honestly I’m in my 30’s the prime of my life, I have never been more mature, intelligent, experienced, stable (financially and mentally). This is the life I have always wanted to live and I am actually happy doing it on my own. Maybe one day I will meet someone who will “put a ring on it” but right now seriously I’m ok!

If I had gotten married whilst I was in my 20s I would probably be amongst those married people hassling singles about their status, but for whatever reason (I call it luck!) I didn’t, and I have had the opportunity to live the life I live.  I have learned to be independent pay my way make a home for myself by myself, I rely on me for everything and I love my own company, why wouldn’t I?  I’m the most entertaining person I know!

There are plenty of benefits to being married of course, for example having a big strong man to lift things…. hmmmm I’ve run out of examples.  Ok I kid good husbands provide protect and care for their families. But what about the wife? She has to do everything else including the heavy lifting!  Wives and mothers still have to hold down jobs give birth to babies, feed, clean and care for their families.  They are generally the dogs body of the household (some of course are blessed enough to have help!) Now I hate cleaning up after myself, why oh why would I be in a rush to clean up after a grown ass man and his snotty brats?!

The other day at a bed shop I looked at beds and I tell you I am still looking for someone to show me a Mr and Mrs Bed!  There are King sized beds for Kings clearly and Queen sized beds for me, double beds for normal people,3 quarter sized beds for teenagers and single beds for kids!  Do you know why?  No bed big enough for a Mr and Mrs has been invented yet! Scientists the world over are still trying to create something where 1 person can sleep uninterrupted whilst the other snores, farts, talks in their sleep, hogs the blankets and is unconscious of personal space!!! I being single and an aspiring crazy cat lady only have to share the bed with my cat whose sole purpose is to keep my feet warm.

To make matters worse, once people know that you are in your 30s and still single, they assume you are desperate to find a husband and suddenly any warm blooded male thinks they can try their luck! You walk into a room full of really fine specimens of men and guaranteed!! the fattest ugliest loudest most grotesque of the lot will think you are in his league… dude seriously, there is dating out of your league and then there’s dating out of your species!  This is however the reason us single girls are called picky with standards that are too high, because we won’t accept a date with any Joe Neanderthal that walks in the room? No freaking way! I am maintaining my standards thank you very much and I will hold out till Mr Damn Right comes along. I’ve waited this long why would I want to, now at this late stage in the game, ruin my life by jumping into marriage for the sake of marriage itself?!  I am at a stage where I can make a wise, informed and solid choice and I think I’ll just take my time and do just that.

So maybe I’m selfish and am not yet prepared to share my life with a husband and kids but that doesn’t mean I don’t want them, I just don’t need it right now!  With the advent of modern medicine I can still have babies well into my 40’s.  So for now I am enjoying being fine, young single and independent doing my thing so if you are worried about the bill don’t … I got it!

I’m just saying!

Letting Go ….. Break the Chains

The most difficult thing a person could ever be asked to do is to let go.  The fact that you need to be told to do it demonstrates the level of difficulty for carrying out this operation.  I must admit I am guilty of, on occasion, tightening my grip and digging my heels in especially when it has something to do with a relationship that has gone belly up and is totally dead in the water!

A lot of the time when a relationship starts to go bad we intensify our efforts to save it which of course is natural.   However, often, the harder we try to revive, resuscitate and rescue it the more life we squeeze out of it.  At the end of it all we are left with a limp lifeless relationship that we drag around with us like a baby’s security blanket!

Why do we do this time and time again? Because letting go means accepting defeat.  Nobody wants to be a loser and so we would rather hold onto the carcass of our departed relationship than bury it in the ground where it belongs. But what are the signs that it is time to let go? In no particular order:

1. If you haven’t seen each other for months and yet they are still in the same country with you…

2. The only time you communicate is to have a fight…

3. Your conversations are all via some form of written electronic media i.e. Blackberry Messenger, Facebook, email and Yahoo messenger etc…

4. The only Cookie you are getting is that yummy chocolate chip with macadamia bits variety.

5. He/She is cheating…

6. He/She is abusive – Physically, verbally and emotionally…

If these signs are present then it might just be possible that your relationship has reached the point of no return and either needs to receive expert medical help or needs to be put out of its misery.

Of course even with some or all of these signs present I have from time to time continued to choke the last breath out of relationships… “Come one there’s still a little life in there”! It seems like such a waste of a perfectly failed relationship to just let it go, especially if there is a chance that your significant other will meet someone who will miraculously resurrect them and re-ignite their interest in love!

But that’s the real truth isn’t it? letting go of a relationship means that you are leaving that person to be free to have a relationship with someone else… Not something you want to think of. So we threaten them “You will never find someone who can love you better than me”  or “You will regret this” and as Mariah Carey would say “The one you gave away will be the only one you’re wishing for”! Well maybe and sometimes yes that does turn out to be the case. But more often than not we are devastated to discover that not only have they found someone who loves them better but they are so happy they are willing to commit to their new relationship, get married and live happily ever after!

In the end is it really worth putting ourselves through the trauma of working to fix a relationship that has been barely limping along or even worse in a vegetative state for a long while? Maybe it is but I will have to concur with the old adage – If you love someone, set them free, if they don’t come back it means they were not meant to be yours.

And if they come back sic the dogs on them and watch them run up the road as bits of their derriere are bitten off by Puma! Then get a restraining order. They don’t deserve you.

That’s my story, and Im sticking to it!

Be Free!