I read the other day that there actually is such a thing as “Broken Heart Syndrome” and people actually die from it! Don’t start planning your funerals yet people because the good news is death by BHS is not so common. It doesn’t feel like it right now for me and I’m sure many others out there because damn it hurts! I feel like I was run over by a train and it didn’t even have the decency to kill me.
So what do you do when someone has taken your heart bashed it with a meat tenderiser, thrown it into a blender and flushed it down the toilet?
Well here are a few of my suggestions. I am writing them down so hopefully I can read them and then actually use them! So its sort of a “note to self”:
1. Cry. Crying is the only way to get rid of that suffocating lump in your chest that makes it feel like you are carrying the world and its brother in your heart.
2. Breath. If you don’t, you will die, it’s a proven fact so trust me on this one!
3. Talk. People might start running every time they see you come because ‘oh oh’ here comes Fadzayi with her woe is me story about “that time he lied and she should have known, the lying son of a thousand fathers”! Talking releases the tension and allows you to get off your chest the things that will keep you up all night, its nice to have someone who can pull you back from the edge when you decide to go and set fire to his house or whitewash his car hmmm that’s not a bad i.. ok NO WHITEWASH FADZI! .
4. Cry. Really it’s a great thing to do; I’m doing it right now.
5. Sleep. At night that is, don’t spend your night blinking in the dark thinking about “1000 ways to die” and imagining his face on all the characters in the film!
6. Don’t blame yourself. Maybe it was your fault maybe it wasn’t but whatever the case if he/she is willing to see you go through all this pain, it’s really completely their fault!
7. Laugh. Watch comedy, read Terry Pratchet novels, Trevor Noah really goes a long way on a slow boring day!
8. Eat. Going on hunger strike never ends well. Either you die, or you get thin.. wait did I say never ends well? Scratch that! Actually starving yourself could lead to binge eating and weight gain so put the cookies and ice cream down! Thank You!
9. Pray. Asking God for strength is not a sign of weakness, Jesus did it!
10. No I’m not going to say “Love”.. that’s coming later… Re-group. Relationships and break-ups tend to make us lose focus on our lives and we spend our time wishing and hoping and living in the past when we should be planning our now altered future!
11. Understand. I know it’s a cliché but things really do happen for a reason and maybe he/she really wasn’t meant for you. It’s sad but true, some things are just not meant to last forever.
12. Enjoy the freedom. Re-acquaint yourself with you. You have spent so much time concentrating on someone else you have completely lost yourself and stopped looking after you. You stopped going out with your friends coz you were too busy hoping he was going to drop by. Instead your friends dropped you! Enjoying the freedom doesn’t mean you can immediately start spreading yourself around like soft butter though. Take a time out from the whole drama of relationships and give yourself time to heal. The time needed differs from person to person and depending on the extent of the damage to your heart but please if it’s the only thing you do.. Take time to enjoy the freedom.
13. Stop crying! If you saved all the tears you just cried you could drown his sorry a** in them!
14. Let Go. Stop stalking him, stop stalking his new girlfriend’s Facebook page or asking someone else to do it for you. Stop wishing; Stop hoping, its ok you can let it go, no ones keeping a score of how good you are at holding onto things. Its not going to win you any points except the ones they use when they calculate whether you are mentally unstable enough for the men in white jackets to pay you a visit. Or the dosage for the tranquiliser dart!
15. Stay busy. Yes another cliché. I suffer from anxiety attacks and being in large open spaces make me want to curl up into a ball and scream. So I stay home and I work on my garden. I am probably one of the worst gardeners to ever live but you know what, I love doing it and its my garden so I can bugger it up if I want to!
16. Do things that make you happy. Watching “my sister’s keeper” at this stage is a fail. Only do things that make you smile and laugh and happy. My thing is writing, I love to write and when I am at my lowest writing has always been my sweet escape.. as is evident at this very moment.
17. Move on. No matter how badly your heart has been broken it will heal if you give it the right treatment or as Michael Bolton says “Time Love and tenderness”. Someone who loves you is there probably looking for you right now and will love and cherish you the way you want to be loved.
18.Love. A broken heart once mended is stronger and capable of loving even more deeply.
19. Have no regrets. If the relationship was good, then it was good but its over and no point in crying over spilt milk, you will have good times again.
20. Cee Lo Green it! Sing it with me now… “Although there’s pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a FORGET YOU”. (or whichever version you prefer)
I am sure there are millions of other suggestions but due to time constraints and the fact that I am late for my telenovela “India… A love story” I have to love you and leave you folks. This article is long but I really had to do this for all the people dealing with BHS at this point in time and most of all for myself.. because I give the best advice in town and sometimes I have to give myself some.
Although my heart is like fish paste right now, I still have an opinion!!
Down but never out
Fadzayi Mwana Wekwa Chambati!