No Means No!… I mean it!

So the holidays are here and we are all gearing up for the silly season, partying and getting wasted will certainly be the order of the day.  You might therefore be wondering why I have this rather odd looking poster headlining my article.  Well this poster is part of an Ad campaign by the Pennsylvania Liquor Board intended as a warning about the increased risk for rape when women drink heavily.  Apparently the advertiser had to pull the campaign because people felt that it implied people who got raped when they were drunk had themselves to blame.

I personally think it is absurd to imply that anyone is to blame for such a heinous violation of their bodies or that they were looking for it.  I did however decide to read what the campaign said and think about this from the advertisers point of view.

We all know that alcohol alters judgement drastically and anyone who has polished off a bottle of wine and then found themselves drunk-texting their ex or crying because their grandfather died… in 1987, will know that once you pass your alcohol threshold you have no control of yourself, your thinking capacity is totally altered and your logic is completely lost.

What we know about people who commit these crimes is that they are sick opportunists with no fear of law, consequence or respect for life.  These people will attack and rape a woman fully clothed from head to toe and completely sober, they rape grandmothers and little children, you don’t have to be passed out drunk for them to rape you… but it does make it much easier for them.

Lets look at it another way.  We all know that burglary is illegal, burglars break into your house and steal your property and sometimes hurt and even kill people in their homes.  Now because burglary is illegal, would you leave your doors wide open, alarm switched off and your dogs tucked into a warm bed at night?  Technically its your house and you can do whatever you want to do with it is it not? If Mr Burglar comes creeping in and finds the doors open and takes your HD 3D TV and all your other equally precious belongings clearly he is the one in the wrong because he entered your property and took what did not belong to him! Yes Mr Burglar is wrong because he broke the law, but you sure did make it damn easy for him to do it.  The first question the police will ask when they arrive, “were your doors locked, and was your alarm on?”  Speaking from experience it is a very annoying question to be asked when you are mourning the loss of your stuff!

Back to the party, as we have said before rapists are cowardly opportunists, they wait for the right moment to attack, it could be a sober woman in a dark corner on her own or it could be a woman so drunk the room is spinning and she cant tell whether she is going left or right.  Our opportunist can choose, he can take the sober woman who will scream, fight and probably bite his ear off or he can have the drunk girl, who is confused disorientated and pretty close to losing consciousness.  DON’T BE THE DRUNK GIRL!

How can we party have a good time but stay safe this holiday?

1. Know your limit!  If you are tipsy after 2 drinks, stop and rather alternate drinks with some water. Don’t push your luck.

2. Don’t leave your drinks unattended. (opportunists might decide to help you along with a date rape drug) Watch as your drinks are being served. If you feel ill or light-headed, telephone for a taxi to take you home straight away.

3. DO NOT leave your friends alone and drunk.

4.DO NOT be left behind by your friends.

5. Tell other people where you are going.

6.Be aware of public bathrooms in clubs and bars. Women have been attacked in the ladies room if it is deserted.

7. Do not let a stranger offer to take you home

Remember that in any situation, alcohol or drugs will impair your ability to be in control. Don’t become a statistic stay safe and enjoy responsibly.

Its only because I love you!





To be or not to be… Friends with your ex!

Now that I have managed to get my head around technology I can finally get down to the business of writing, which is what I generally do best.

Sooo, we all know about what happens at the end of a relationship, the “its not me, its you” (No I mean it that way) the crying the getting over your heart break yadda yadda, but what about when all of that is over and done?  What if your ex wants you to be friends? Surely as mature adults we should be able to just get along? Send each other messages regularly and chat about the weather or some other mundane topic?  Maybe hook up for a drink once in a while and congratulate each other on milestones?  Are you nodding your head in agreement?  STOP!

Unless you and your ex run a business together or share children, there is absolutely no reason for you to remain friends!  9 out of 10 times when a relationship ends, somebody’s heart is broken and they are miserable, making the end of a relationship the worst way to possibly start a friendship! It’s the equivalent of someone deliberately stabbing you in the face with a broken bottle and then saying “hey lets be friends”. Anyone who believes they can be friends with their ex is delusional because it just doesn’t work; it defies all the parameters of what defines friendship.

There is always a reason behind an offer of friendship from an ex and it could be one of the following (I love lists):

1. They are not over you and are hoping that being friends might be a way of getting back together

2. You have just been downgraded to Booty Call status

3. They are evil and are trying to stop you from moving on with your life by staying in your face.

4. They have self-esteem and ego issues and want to know of any new developments in your life

5. They have self-esteem and ego issues and they want you to know of every development in their lives!

6. They never loved you that way and would have always preferred that you just remained friend.

If the reason is No. 1 and if you feel the same way then by all means be friends, get back together and live happily ever after. If it is any of the other 5 reasons then hell freaking no you don’t need that friend!

Regardless of the pitfalls of being friends with the ex, we all still do it and I don’t know if I am alone in saying it is really a recipe for further heart break.  Most of the time when we accept this friendship  we tell ourselves it’s because of reason No.1 , we believe that our ex is still in love with us and is hoping that being our friend will help to draw us close and repair the burnt bridges.  More often than not its everything else but that.

So how do you know your friendship with your ex is not going to work?

1. You still love him/her and you still want to get back together with them

2. He/she broke your heart

4. You don’t want them to move on

If you still love someone, how does it benefit you to agree to just be friends with them? You know full well its not what you want but you agree to it anyway, then whenever you talk you try and steer the conversation to how good you were together. “Good together”?  Are you serious, this Mo’ Fo dumped your ass without even a second thought and you think you were “good together” ?  They broke your heart and left you crying on your pillow for weeks and the moment you are over your broken heart they are back and want to be friends?  Is that some sort of cruel joke?  Where were they when you couldn’t listen to the radio because like Neyo you were “So sick”? Or when seeing a single dove made you weep because it reminded you that “one is for sorrow”!  When you called them and left messages begging them to call you back and they never did!  And now you think this person has the right to be your friend uh-uh no no no no no no no!

How are you going to feel in a month or so when they start telling you about their hot new man/woman?  Are you going to do the friendly thing, congratulate them and be happy for them or are you going to go back crying on your pillow?  Seriously this is foolishness and you need to move on!   And to all those insisting they want to be friends with an ex, get it into your thick skull, the relationship is over DON’T GO AWAY ANGRY, JUST GO AWAY!

My 2 cents worth!