Men… A Bigger Mystery

Recently I read that Steven Hawkins, one of the greatest scientific minds of our time, thinks women are the biggest mystery ever.  I agree, women are a mystery, I’m a woman and I don’t even understand the half of it, but saying women are a mystery Steve does not count as one of your greatest discoveries!  Saying women are a mystery is like saying the sun is hot, of course it’s hot, everyone knows it’s hot, it’s been hot since the beginning of time. That’s why Earth is situated where it is so that we don’t all get incinerated. The same goes for women, they are a mystery, they have been a mystery from the time Shan let Loc hit her over the head and drag her to his cave (Do you really think she went unwillingly?) Or Eve tricked Adam into eating the forbidden fruit.  So why on earth can something we all know is a mystery still be considered a mystery… something to think about…

No good people, the real mystery resides where everyone thinks there is no mystery and everything is cut and dry and straightforward.  Yes the real mystery Steven is MEN.  I have always believed that men are easy to please.  There are so many formulas on what makes a man happy, from the way to his heart being through his stomach, to beer and sport being the recipe to a man’s happiness, monster truck races and entire shower free weekends and four ways to wear your boxers before you have to wash them.  Yes to the untrained eye men are simple organisms with one track minds and bad hygiene, intelligent life forms but the majority are not able to fully utilise this facility right? Wrong!

What do men want?

You think women saying one thing and meaning another makes them complicated?  Men can fully explain something and we are still left thinking “huh?” I have heard men say things like “Why don’t women ever make the first move”. Then when a woman makes the move they say “Men are hunters they don’t want to be hunted”. Men will profess their deep attraction to curvy women but turn around and marry a skinny twig!  They will declare their love for natural haired women and when they have one ask her when she is going to fix her hair! Men will insist they want an independent woman and when they find one they will say she is too independent! Too independent?  Are there parameters that guide independence?  Isn’t independence supposed to be just that?  Men are a paradox I tell you!

The only thing I know for a fact about men is that women will never be able to understand them.  Men always say “nobody knows what women want” but just the other day Wikipedia blacked out because someone asked it “what do men want” Wikipedia drew a blank!  I do not see men going out of their way to actually find out what women want, if we were so complex and mysterious men sure as hell haven’t noticed, or they had us figured out a long time ago and they just use the women are complicated statement to avoid having to actually give us what we want (I had never thought of that till now.. hmmm).  But if you ask a woman, the quest to find out what makes a man happy has gone from hell to high water!  Have you ever googled ‘What men want”?  There are 6 Squillion results of suggestions of things people have tried!  Google “what women want” and you will get 1 million results all referring you to a Mel Gibson movie of the same title.

Steven I am afraid I am going to have to disagree with you.  Women are not the most complex mystery of the ages, yes we are a sack of irrational, angry, volatile hormones, with limited parallel parking capacity and an unlimited supply of tears that are triggered when things aren’t going our way i.e losing an argument – no, women are not a mystery we are just too intelligent for men to understand.  Men on the other hand, the answers to what they want are all there clear as a bell and we all have them… its just that the answers are all wrong.

It’s a fact.

 

 

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Hair we go again

Argh its 2012 and guess what… nothing’s changed! Fat people didn’t miraculously get skinny at the stroke of midnight (I’m very disappointed) Dumb people didn’t grow a brain, Dark skin didn’t get lighter and light skin didn’t get darker!  The weaves didn’t go poof in a cloud of smoke and the natural hair is still as frizzy kinky and curly as ever.  Relationships are still mind boggling and I’m still blogging!!

My first thought for the new year is the continued struggle between the Natural Divas and the Weave Queens and the Chemical Cuties!  Ladies put the afro pick and the flat irons down!  Seriously is this ever going to end?! The Queens calling the Divas unkempt and manly looking and the Divas calling the Queens and Cuties fake Barbies who will burn in the chemical hell they are putting on their heads! I sit in a stunned silence not sure which side to take.  I am confused because you see I am a fence sitter.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?

I am a natural girl who loves to change it up and rock a weave when the mood strikes me.  My rule of thumb though is my weave should look like it could be my hair and so since there is no way my kinky hair will ever be long, silky and blond from the root to the tip I tend to stay away from the extremeness of it all and stick to shoulder length 100% yak hair (Coz you do know that’s what 100% human hair is right?)! Why not Brazillian or Indian hair you may ask? Well because till they start making Zimbabwean Hair, Yak is the closest to what the real texture of my hair is when relaxed.

I sometimes feel that being Natural haired and part of the “community” is like being in a cult!  There are rules and regulations that you need to follow to remain a bonafide member, a secret language of BC’s EVOO, 4C’s and Co-wash that needs to be learnt, not to mention the need to ooh and aah at fellow community member’s length checks and successful twist and braid outs!  I don’t remember being a relaxed hair girl being this complicated!

The honest to goodness truth is when I cut my relaxed hair off, it wasn’t because I had seen the light or had an epiphany or embraced some psychedelic funk lifestyle.  My hair was damaged and I didn’t have the patience to nurse it back to health so I decided to cut it off and start afresh. Once I started looking more closely at other women with gorgeous natural hair and the many styling options I thought “why bother relaxing I can keep it just the way it is”.  I was completely oblivious to the politics of hair until the Natural hair Nazis were staring me in the eye and telling me my ends were dry!  In fact it was more political than I ever imagined, the propaganda, the intimidation, the false promises.. Forget the Cult it’s a full blown Dictatorship!

Propaganda – Natural hair is what God gave you (Party Motto), Men prefer Natural hair.

Intimidation – Anything thats not natural is fake and the chemicals are going to eat through your scalp and melt your brain.

False Promises – You will save money, Its easy to care for, You will look beautiful!

Crowning Glory

Why then do I stick with this crazed Natural Hair Party? Well, because its 2012 and I still have free will and the right to choose. Natural hair is natural hair, it doesn’t get more 100% than what’s growing unaltered right out of my own head.  If you take good care of it, it will reward you with a glorious crown, the one God put on your head.