Someone asked me the other day why I hadn’t kept my blog up to date this year. For the life of me I could not come up with an answer I myself could believe but one thing I can say is I have been busy!

I have had a whole lot of changes in my life and one the biggest changes was embarking on a business venture with my sister.  After many months of creating and thinking and discussing and plotting and planning, we finally decided to take the dive and launch a fashion line Sanaa Designs. It’s been lots of sweat, time and money but it’s up and running and we will be counting on all of you to pay us a visit and buy our off the rack or custom made clothing and accessories!

Like Sanaa designs on faceboook www.facebook.com/Sanaa.design1

Sanaa Designs

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Jobs, if its time to go…go

I have been on hiatus from writing for a few months now and I have felt guilty about it the whole time!  I was in a space that blocked my creativity and never gave me time to delve into the recesses of my mind to find inspiration.  I am out of that space now as evidenced by my re-emergence into the blogging world.

In the past I have written about bad relationships of the romantic kind. Today I am writing about bad relationships, the work related kind.  Jobs for most of us are a necessary evil, something we have to do to pay the bills, provide for ourselves according to the basic fundamentals of “Maslows Hierarchy of Needs” and also to give us something to show for that expensive education our parents paid for.

Of course some jobs are brilliant and satisfying and inspiring and enriching but those are not the jobs I am writing about today, today I am writing about the jobs that cause your nerves to be permanently on edge, your anxiety levels to shoot through the roof and your doctors’ bills to sky-rocket.  The kind of job that when the clock strikes 5pm on a Sunday your countenance falls and your mood dips because in a few hours it will be Monday.

But why do we feel that way? Usually it’s not the work we do but the people we work for or with that make our jobs miserable.  Evil bosses who spend their time plotting how they can add more work to your already unbalanced pile or colleagues that think they are characters in the film Mean Girls or boys.  I have worked in my fair share of hell holes.  The one who didn’t think it necessary to pay me at the end of a month spent lying to debt collectors to protect his ass; another who specialised in calling staff late at night to give them a shouting about something they had no idea about; the other was mentally unstable and had paranoid delusions that everyone was out to get her and of course there was the one who was mean just because she could. Most times I was able to put on my big girl panties and plod through these crazy working conditions but I must say, little bits of me were chipped away over the years.

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Sometimes people have terrible home lives and when they come to work they want to share the misery by making their colleagues equally miserable.  Often we find ourselves paying for the sins of a cheating wife or loser husband without even knowing it.  Lack of satisfaction in the trajectory of ones career can turn that chirpy new intern who always has the bright ideas the boss loves into a target for abuse and victimisation.  Lazy colleagues who always avoid work can also make your life miserable by continuously finding ways of getting you saddled with the work whilst they get the praise when all they do is regularly play immature mind games for shits and giggles.  Its hard staying motivated in an environment where your boss will use any opportunity to berate or humiliate you.

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Staff Meeting

Even though jobs like life were never meant to be easy, they are certainly not meant to be a torture chamber where we spend our lives being stretched to breaking point and racked over hot coals.  A job should be challenging but enjoyable and satisfying, not merely a means to an end.

Many of us are in professions which were pre-determined by our parents because they wanted us to be a doctor or a lawyer, some of us chose a career path that promised to be lucrative whilst most of us just do whatever work we can find at the time.  Whatever the case, if your job makes you unhappy and is destroying your personal relationships whilst ruining your health, LEAVE!  Find another job and get out.

Bad jobs are just another form of a bad relationship because they

  • Destroy your self-esteem and confidence,
  • Ruin relationships with your family,
  • Damage your health,
  • Create dependency which stops you from moving onto another job for fear you will fail there as well and maybe you deserve the bad treatment,
  • Make us abusive and bitter – what goes in must come out.

Staying in an environment that no longer welcomes you can lead to the situation deteriorating to the point where you might be fired before you are ready to go, or lose control and have a violent outburst followed by a dramatic quitting scene… “You can’t fire me, because I quit!!!!!!!!!!”  To be honest it’s not worth losing your dignity over.

Just because one company doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t mean there is no place out there that is looking for someone just like you! And hey,  if that doesn’t work out, you can always be your own boss and start a business where you can create your own perfect environment doing what you love and are good at whilst receiving the ultimate reward of satisfaction.

Trust me!!

Not Blogging so well

I really don’t think I have been using my blog for the purpose which I intended.  But I guess it comes from the Virgo need for perfection and therefore only uploading carefully thought through and written articles.  So I am going to get the stick out of my arse and start blogging as and when the fancy takes me! I pledge to do the following:

  • Blog when the bug bites
  • Blog my frustrations
  • Blog about fashion and beauty
  • Blog the things I am loving at any particular time
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Pinterest

Speaking of things I love, I stumbled on Pinterest a few months ago and I have been stuck in that vortex ever since!  The world wide web has never been revealed to me to such an extent!!  I have many a times found myself sitting in front of my computer and all I could think of was Facebook, Twitter and some gossip sites then I met Pinterest ❤  it was love at first site!  Ok so some of you might not know what Pinterest is and might ask What the hell is Pinterest?  well Pinterest is a pinboard-style social photo sharing website that allows users to create and manage theme-based image collections such as events, interests, hobbies, and more. Users can browse other pinboards for inspiration, ‘re-pin’ images to their own collections or ‘like’ photos. Pinterest’s mission is to “connect everyone in the world through the ‘things’ they find interesting”.   So for example, I love food, fashion, crafts and home decor so I can get pictures that link to websites on all of these things I am interested in and I can follow users who have the best “pins” Ideas, how-to’s, recipes and tips.

You have to see it to understand the intrigue but be warned, some people have been known to enter Pinterest and never find their way back to conventional internet use.

www.pinterest.com

Its your Opinion… You are entitled to it

Have you ever found yourself at the point of making a very important decision and then freezing at the thought of what others would think or say about your decision?  The many different imagined scenarios, the advice and warnings, the fear of going ahead with the decision and being told “we told you so” when you fail! Worse still having your choice laughed at and ridiculed? Plays out like a bad nightmare, the kind where you wake up screaming and confused!  You have probably had this experience at least twice… just today.

You might have heard this tale before, but I will tell it to you anyway:

“A man and his son went to a market to buy a donkey.  On their return from the market as the two walked alongside their donkey they passed a group of farmers, the farmers laughed and pointed at how stupid they looked walking when they had a donkey so the Son climbed atop the donkey whilst the Father walked alongside, as they continued on their way they met another group of people who shook their heads at what they saw, “such disrespect for the Elderly” they said.  “Should it not be the Father riding the donkey rather than the young strong son?” upon hearing this, the son climbed down from the donkey and the Father climbed onto the donkey and rode it whilst the son walked alongside.  Further still down the road they met yet another group of people who laughed uproariously?  “look at the lazy man riding whilst his poor boy walks why does he not let him get up on to the donkey so both of them can ride?!”  Again upon hearing this, the son got back up onto the donkey behind his father and the two rode the donkey down the road.  If only that was the end of it…  Further down the road the unfortunate pair met the last group of farmers “Look at those two lazy fools, just because it is a beast of burden doesn’t mean it must be burdened by their fat lazy carcasses, let them carry the donkey so that they can see how it feels!”  Yep you guessed it, the father and son got down from the donkey and indeed carried it on their backs down the road all the way home.”

There are 2 morals here:

1. You can’t please everybody

2. Don’t let people tell you what to do with your Ass!

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Cover your Ass!!

It’s funny how major life changing decisions, decisions that are personal in nature always have to take into account someone else’s opinion, an opinion that has no basis and is probably very ill informed.  When buying a car, rather than thinking about the cost implication, and our personal preference, we think ‘what will our friends or family say? Will they be suitably impressed? What would work colleagues say? Will the church think I am rich and should therefore contribute more? Or will they think it is too flashy a car?’  What about when choosing a potential partner? Do we think about that person’s compatibility to us or do we think about what people will say about that person’s appearance, race, nationality, financial status or even gender?

I wish everyone could make their decisions based on what I thought.. Just imagine it!  Nobody would drive a car except me (save on the gas emissions, safe for the environment and all) All beautiful sexy women – except me – would wear hijab and all hot men would walk around shirtless, 50% of the world’s population would be dead because I thought they needed to eat S*** and die and everyone would exist on a strict low carb diet.  Ok so maybe a little bit extreme but it is my opinion and everyone is entitled to one!

And that is exactly the point.  Everyone has an opinion; everyone will always have their own opinion.  Whatever we decide to do with our lives, to one person it will be the right choice and to another the worst decision ever.  The worst damage we do to ourselves is in fact imagining what people are thinking when they have no thought on the matter at all and in fact couldn’t care less what we decide to do with our lives!!

At the end of the day we need to make the choices based on what is right according to our own personal opinion and not other people’s opinions imagined or fact.  So whether you are in love with a Rasta or your favourite car is a Fiat 500 or you choose to paint for a living or write, it’s your choice because at the end of the day you have to live with that decision.

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.”

Diamond in the rough or just a pebble?

One topic that is always on women’s lips is the “Mr Right” topic, where to find him, how to get him interested how to keep him.  Mr Right comes in many shapes and sizes and in the same way they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder so too Mr Right is in the eye of the beholder.  Everyone knows this guy, he is tall dark and handsome, drives a flashy car and has money!  Well true that is Mr Right, in the same way a Rolls Royce Phantom is a car…. Lost? Let me break it down to you.

As women we all have the picture of the ideal man we’ll call him Mr TDH aka Tall Dark Handsome.   We have the picture in our heads of how this man will sweep us off our feet and will drive us off into the sunset in his car preferably of the German Luxury persuasion, we picture the luxurious lifestyle we will have and our 2.5 kids who we will send to the best schools in town … you get the picture.  This is what everybody dreams of before they meet Mr TDH without exception!  Who of you can tell me your dream guy was an ugly, gap toothed, short, bandy legged Accounts clerk who takes the bus?

My question today is how realistic is our dream guy (oxymoron I know) and how does our having this dream man affect our ability to find a suitable partner in reality?  Is it not possible that the general Mr TDH is either not suited to you or is perhaps just a little bit out of your league?  How can he be out of your league if he is Mr Right?  Well let’s go back to the Rolls Royce Phantom, it is the ultimate in luxury and opulence, hand built and in a league of its own in other words it is the Mr Right of cars.  But is it for everyone?  I doubt anyone one would say “urgh I hate the Rolls Royce it’s so beautiful”!  But how many people when buying a car would ever go onto the Rolls Royce website to have a look or check the repayment calculator?  I’m not talking to you Mr Trump!  The truth of the matter is, we can dream but at the end of the day you know which dealership stocks your type.

Mr TDH is The Rolls Royce, high maintenance, overpriced and a reality to only a few.  But how is this affecting how we look at potential partners?  Because our expectations are so high, we are missing out on men that could actually be the perfect ones for us.  Just because a car doesn’t have the Head Up Display which projects driving-related information directly on to the windscreen in front of you like the Phantom, doesn’t mean it will not provide you with a comfortable safe drive! It all boils down to high expectations based on purely superficial aspects… nice to have but you can live without it.

Cut and Polished Diamond

Does being a little chubby or short make a man any less capable of being a loving and caring provider for his family?  Or does the fact that he is not at present the CEO of a fortune 500 company mean he is doomed to be an accounts clerk for life?  So he wears a checked shirt with a striped tie and black shoes with white socks “eek”!  If this man has the qualities that make a good partner/husband/father should we not see him as a diamond in the rough?  Honest, loving, supportive, kind and hardworking should be the qualities that make up the cornerstone of what we look for in a man and not his height or his ripped abs and bulging biceps *drool* or his money “kaching”.  I often say to my girlfriends, the polished well-dressed men you see on the street are like that because someone polished them!  Somebody picked up that pebble and took the time to lovingly polish and shape it until it became the stunning diamond we see today is this not why people talk about the “woman’s touch”.  So with love and a little patience most men have the potential to become a shining diamond, note I said “most” some are just pebbles end of story.

At the end of the day, we should not let our judgement be clouded by what society says is the ideal man when we know full well only 10% of the world’s male population fits that mould.  Stop side stepping men because they are not “your type”, how do you know he is not your type if you never take the time to get to know him.  Have a look around you at your friends and family and see how many of them are happy in relationships with Mr TDH, you will be surprised to find that many are very happy with men you would have never pictured them hooking up with.

If you decide to hold out for that Knight in Shining Armour just remember the last Knight was seen in a fairy-tale somewhere living happily ever after with Sleeping Beauty…

Get polishing!

Men… A Bigger Mystery

Recently I read that Steven Hawkins, one of the greatest scientific minds of our time, thinks women are the biggest mystery ever.  I agree, women are a mystery, I’m a woman and I don’t even understand the half of it, but saying women are a mystery Steve does not count as one of your greatest discoveries!  Saying women are a mystery is like saying the sun is hot, of course it’s hot, everyone knows it’s hot, it’s been hot since the beginning of time. That’s why Earth is situated where it is so that we don’t all get incinerated. The same goes for women, they are a mystery, they have been a mystery from the time Shan let Loc hit her over the head and drag her to his cave (Do you really think she went unwillingly?) Or Eve tricked Adam into eating the forbidden fruit.  So why on earth can something we all know is a mystery still be considered a mystery… something to think about…

No good people, the real mystery resides where everyone thinks there is no mystery and everything is cut and dry and straightforward.  Yes the real mystery Steven is MEN.  I have always believed that men are easy to please.  There are so many formulas on what makes a man happy, from the way to his heart being through his stomach, to beer and sport being the recipe to a man’s happiness, monster truck races and entire shower free weekends and four ways to wear your boxers before you have to wash them.  Yes to the untrained eye men are simple organisms with one track minds and bad hygiene, intelligent life forms but the majority are not able to fully utilise this facility right? Wrong!

What do men want?

You think women saying one thing and meaning another makes them complicated?  Men can fully explain something and we are still left thinking “huh?” I have heard men say things like “Why don’t women ever make the first move”. Then when a woman makes the move they say “Men are hunters they don’t want to be hunted”. Men will profess their deep attraction to curvy women but turn around and marry a skinny twig!  They will declare their love for natural haired women and when they have one ask her when she is going to fix her hair! Men will insist they want an independent woman and when they find one they will say she is too independent! Too independent?  Are there parameters that guide independence?  Isn’t independence supposed to be just that?  Men are a paradox I tell you!

The only thing I know for a fact about men is that women will never be able to understand them.  Men always say “nobody knows what women want” but just the other day Wikipedia blacked out because someone asked it “what do men want” Wikipedia drew a blank!  I do not see men going out of their way to actually find out what women want, if we were so complex and mysterious men sure as hell haven’t noticed, or they had us figured out a long time ago and they just use the women are complicated statement to avoid having to actually give us what we want (I had never thought of that till now.. hmmm).  But if you ask a woman, the quest to find out what makes a man happy has gone from hell to high water!  Have you ever googled ‘What men want”?  There are 6 Squillion results of suggestions of things people have tried!  Google “what women want” and you will get 1 million results all referring you to a Mel Gibson movie of the same title.

Steven I am afraid I am going to have to disagree with you.  Women are not the most complex mystery of the ages, yes we are a sack of irrational, angry, volatile hormones, with limited parallel parking capacity and an unlimited supply of tears that are triggered when things aren’t going our way i.e losing an argument – no, women are not a mystery we are just too intelligent for men to understand.  Men on the other hand, the answers to what they want are all there clear as a bell and we all have them… its just that the answers are all wrong.

It’s a fact.

 

 

Hair we go again

Argh its 2012 and guess what… nothing’s changed! Fat people didn’t miraculously get skinny at the stroke of midnight (I’m very disappointed) Dumb people didn’t grow a brain, Dark skin didn’t get lighter and light skin didn’t get darker!  The weaves didn’t go poof in a cloud of smoke and the natural hair is still as frizzy kinky and curly as ever.  Relationships are still mind boggling and I’m still blogging!!

My first thought for the new year is the continued struggle between the Natural Divas and the Weave Queens and the Chemical Cuties!  Ladies put the afro pick and the flat irons down!  Seriously is this ever going to end?! The Queens calling the Divas unkempt and manly looking and the Divas calling the Queens and Cuties fake Barbies who will burn in the chemical hell they are putting on their heads! I sit in a stunned silence not sure which side to take.  I am confused because you see I am a fence sitter.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?

I am a natural girl who loves to change it up and rock a weave when the mood strikes me.  My rule of thumb though is my weave should look like it could be my hair and so since there is no way my kinky hair will ever be long, silky and blond from the root to the tip I tend to stay away from the extremeness of it all and stick to shoulder length 100% yak hair (Coz you do know that’s what 100% human hair is right?)! Why not Brazillian or Indian hair you may ask? Well because till they start making Zimbabwean Hair, Yak is the closest to what the real texture of my hair is when relaxed.

I sometimes feel that being Natural haired and part of the “community” is like being in a cult!  There are rules and regulations that you need to follow to remain a bonafide member, a secret language of BC’s EVOO, 4C’s and Co-wash that needs to be learnt, not to mention the need to ooh and aah at fellow community member’s length checks and successful twist and braid outs!  I don’t remember being a relaxed hair girl being this complicated!

The honest to goodness truth is when I cut my relaxed hair off, it wasn’t because I had seen the light or had an epiphany or embraced some psychedelic funk lifestyle.  My hair was damaged and I didn’t have the patience to nurse it back to health so I decided to cut it off and start afresh. Once I started looking more closely at other women with gorgeous natural hair and the many styling options I thought “why bother relaxing I can keep it just the way it is”.  I was completely oblivious to the politics of hair until the Natural hair Nazis were staring me in the eye and telling me my ends were dry!  In fact it was more political than I ever imagined, the propaganda, the intimidation, the false promises.. Forget the Cult it’s a full blown Dictatorship!

Propaganda – Natural hair is what God gave you (Party Motto), Men prefer Natural hair.

Intimidation – Anything thats not natural is fake and the chemicals are going to eat through your scalp and melt your brain.

False Promises – You will save money, Its easy to care for, You will look beautiful!

Crowning Glory

Why then do I stick with this crazed Natural Hair Party? Well, because its 2012 and I still have free will and the right to choose. Natural hair is natural hair, it doesn’t get more 100% than what’s growing unaltered right out of my own head.  If you take good care of it, it will reward you with a glorious crown, the one God put on your head.